


Face my fears

by Eirenare



Category: Star Wars, Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode IX: The Rise of Skywalker (2019), Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Episode VIII: The Last Jedi (2017), Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Force Bond (Star Wars), Force Dyad (Star Wars), Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Kylo Ren Needs a Hug, Love Conquers All, Post-Canon, Rey Needs A Hug, TROS alternative ending, Temporary Character Death, alternative ending, canonverse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-23
Updated: 2020-06-23
Packaged: 2021-03-03 21:21:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,302
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24872215
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eirenare/pseuds/Eirenare
Summary: " “They still love you”, said Rey, a spark of emotion in her eyes as she rose her gaze to meet his—anxious and full of sorrow. “They’ve never stopped loving you, Ben.”“I wish I could feel that hopeful”, he muttered."After surviving the final battle in Exegol together, there's yet another enemy to defeat: fears.(My 2nd songfic for the "Reylo Jukebox Exchange" event, inspired by "Face my fears" by Utada Hikaru)
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Rey/Kylo Ren, Reylo
Comments: 18
Kudos: 63
Collections: Reylo Hidden Gems, Reylo Jukebox Exchange





	Face my fears

**Author's Note:**

  * For [rowerowemyboat](https://archiveofourown.org/users/rowerowemyboat/gifts).



> Sorry for taking this long to post! I hope this fic can make justice to the prompt and to the song (which I love! I was so excited when I saw it on the prompt list), and that you enjoy it!
> 
> The song that inspired the fic: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-KWMVnz2XZk

It was almost overwhelming, the way his heart was filled to bursting with bliss like this. It pumped through his veins and flooded his soul, a rush born of a relief deeper than the immensity of cosmos and brighter than the stars shining in it.

Rey was there, with him— _ alive _ .

Inside of him Ben felt her light shining like a beacon, the beat of her heart and the air in her lungs sharing a tempo with his as their joy mirrored each other’s.

Rey, his half of their Dyad, smiling and cupping his face, fingertips just shy of carding through his mussed hair and caressing the start of dimples that for the longest years he’d almost forgot he had, for there’d never been a reason to smile throughout them.

And then her lips were on his, soft and gentle and warm, welcoming him to a home he’d thought would never have anymore.

Ben never knew that a moment so brief could hold the weight of eternity.

Yet just as the idea of a new life started blooming in their thoughts, the shadows started to take over. First at the edges of his eyes and then, as his vision blurred and his thoughts muddied, they fell like a curtain call as his back met the cold stone floor.

But Rey didn’t let him go, and in the dark Ben felt her warmth seeping into his skin, her brilliance seeping into his soul, and the shadows had no power over him anymore, their clutches retreating as tendrils of light and life refused to relinquish him—those of his bond with Rey. Her light held his as tight as her hands held his exhausted body, and they both knew now: there could never be one without the other.

A flutter of eyelids followed, and then Ben’s coffee eyes were looking up at Rey, hovering over him with a too shiny gaze and quivering lips.

“I thought I’d lost you”, she rasped. “Ben Organa-Solo, don’t you ever dare do this to me again you hear me?”

His smile was bittersweet now, heavy with the sorrow still pulsing in her very soul. “I won’t. Never again, sweetheart.”

That last word must’ve struck a chord with Rey, because as though some kind of revelation had overcome her as she heard it, she let out a croaky laugh full of mirth, rubbing her runny nose on her forearm. Ben would’ve liked to ask and know, but what little strength he had left after bringing Rey back had left his brain turned to mush. Oh, well. At least he’d have plenty of time to ask her, or for her to tell him, after they got out of Exegol.

“Ben, you’re bleeding”, said Rey then, voice on edge as her deft fingers examined his wounds. It made Ben hiss as they touched marred flesh and places where his bones ranged from bruised to broken. “Sorry!”, she winced.

He had half a mind to say some lighthearted comment about his current state, to try and loosen up the mood a bit, but her tear-stained cheeks and the seriousness in her expression stopped him. “I’ll be fine”, he said instead, tone gentle and soothing as he brushed her tense jaw with his knuckles. “Don’t worry.”

“Hold on a second, I can—”

A shiver run down his spine. “No”, he said a bit more louder than intended, the hint of panic behind the word the culprit for his volume. “No”, he repeated, calmer this time. “You’ve just fought Sidious by yourself, and I—” He swallowed around the lump in his throat. “I just don’t want you to do overdo it, Rey. Please.”

Willing away too recent memories he didn’t wish to revisit, Ben focused on the now, on the way Rey’s warm hands felt on his shoulder and arm, the way he could  _ feel _ her pulse and breathing through their bond almost as if it was his own. But there was exhaustion in herself, too, and despite him having just being saved by their bond, what assured him the same could happen once more if Rey poured too much of her life force into him? Unlike in Kef Bir there was no life in Exegol, after all, or at least not enough of it or close enough, that she might draw from to help her heal his injuries.

An understanding smile curled Rey’s lips, knowing of Ben’s internal struggle as the grief and fear from him echoed in the fabric of her very soul, and she caressed his hand lovingly.

“Alright. Bacta it is, then”, she said.

Ben could feel the words burning inside of her, the itch to ask and reveal on the tip of her tongue and her need to hold and be held as strong as his, but taking on their surroundings—at the brittle-looking remnants of the cathedral, at the Star Destroyers falling from the stormy sky not too far away from there, at his own wounds—they both knew this wasn’t the time for that. Not yet.

Walking proved a challenge for Ben, each step an agony of pain shooting up his spine heightened by the loss of adrenaline that had pumped in his veins just minutes ago. His scrunched up face, the grunts leaving him as they advanced, twisted Rey’s guts, yet never once did he allow her to heal his wounds. What she could do, however, was to press a kiss every now and then to his pale forehead, to leave a tender caress on his face as she helped him walk forward—outside of this wretched temple, and toward the future.

_ Our future _ , came the thought to Rey, her stomach fluttering in excitement and joy at the idea.

Such simple words and the emotions they caused reverberated in Ben’s mind and made a dimpled smile appear in his face as Rey helped him sit on a large piece of stone minutes later, him catching his breath and regaining strength while she scouted the area for the next safe pathway in what was now a maze of debris. And still smiling she found him as she returned from a corridor, bringing the good news.

The happiness ebbing and flowing around Ben was a mirror to Rey’s, and they basked on the feeling as she closed the distance. Rey then leaned her forehead against his, briefly pressing a peck to the tip of his nose before retreating.

“Can you walk?”, she asked. “I’ve found a path.”

Ben nodded and soon she was guiding them again, lightning crackling high up above and below them on deep ravines, illuminating the way their tired feet walked. And although it took them a while, long minutes of pain peaking in the Force as Ben’s body protested and longer minutes yet of very much needed rest, finally, their eyes caught sight of the open vault of the sky and the starships that still lingered around.

Some Star Destroyers were still falling, farther now to their relief, but Rey’s shoulders suddenly tensed, her gaze seeming to look for something in between the perpetual storm.

“What is it?”, said Ben, frowning. “Something wrong?”

But Rey shook her head slightly. “No, it’s just… I thought I saw something familiar.”

Ben didn’t insist on that, believing Rey word for word yet feeling suspicious at the surge of nervousness coming from her. “Shall we?”, he said as he pointed with his head at where their abandoned TIE and X-Wing ships stood, miraculously safe from the war that had waged above them and the Force lightning.

Rey smiled at him, although he didn’t miss the way she bit her lips and the way her eyes scanned the sky once more as they moved toward the ships. Ben knew something was up—not something wrong, no. If there was something wrong going on, perhaps something dangerous lurking, Rey wouldn’t have lied about it. But she’d seen something in the skies and it had made her nervous for some reason, and the thought made him uneasy.

Destiny, however, replied faster than he could begin to ask as the Millennium Falcon suddenly entered their field of vision, flying low enough to raise a dusty wind around them that tossed their hair this way and the other.

Ben froze on the spot. He was holding his breath without even noticing, his quickening pulse starting to hurt below his chest as his eyes locked on the ship of his family landing effortlessly just ahead of them, much closer to them than their pair of ships.

Then the fear in him peaked, broke, overflowed, and for a moment, he felt Rey’s fear rise along his with her concern for him. She repositioned the hand with which she was holding on to his waist to help him stand straight, her thumb rubbing a caress there, and Ben’s coffee eyes lowered to meet hers—just a moment of crossed gazes, his shiny with emotions he wasn’t fully ready for and hers worried yet reassuring, and he understood.

This was what had unexpectedly caught Rey’s attention, the thing she’d tried to brush off as nothing of too much importance—to save him a suffering he might not need yet, not at a moment where he was already so vulnerable and emotionally exhausted.

Guilt was tightly wrapped around Rey, but Ben was having none of that. His hand covered hers at his waist, softly caressing hers.

“It’s fine”, Ben told her, seeking to reassure her as she was trying to reassure him. He smiled at her, his lips trembling yet curling warmly even through the fear filling him. “You were just trying to shield me for now… I appreciate that.” He repeated then Rey’s gesture of earlier, leaning his forehead against her and then kissing the tip of her freckled nose. “Thank you.”

A nervous chuckle left Rey, her cheek resting on his shoulder and her thumb playing with his as they watched the Falcon’s ramp open.

The last thing he’d expected was to feel  _ them _ in the Force—one of the two he’d crossed paths with that same day after they’d captured him, and the other he hadn’t met for so long it felt like forever.

_ Uncle Chewie _ , Ben thought, his throat feeling tight.  _ Uncle Lando _ .

“They still love you”, said Rey, a spark of emotion in her eyes as she rose her gaze to meet his—anxious and full of sorrow. “They’ve never stopped loving you, Ben.”

“I wish I could feel that hopeful”, he muttered.

His heart sunk when their familiar figures finally showed up at the ramp, descending it as their disbelieving eyes never left him and Rey, slowly closing the distance until they stood barely three meters away from them.

And yet, despite his fears, Ben found the courage to move.

He advanced, limping with Rey’s help, toward his stunned uncles—so many words, too many that Ben wanted to say just shy of reach, yet his mind was plunged in such a chaos of emotions that he could but fumble and struggle to let them out.

“I— I’m sorry, I—”

For a moment nothing happened, but when Ben was about to try to talk again, Chewie suddenly advanced, feet stomping as a blur of furry arms pulled him, and Ben closed his eyes on instinct, his stomach dropping… 

… Only to find himself pressed against Chewie’s chest and to hear the wookiee’s grunts and moans above his head as his giant hands cradled him—welcomed him.

_ How? _ , wondered Ben.  _ Why? _

Rising his face from the fur, he took in his uncle’s face, expressive eyes full of understanding and pain but also of a deep relief—and happiness. With his throat constricted, all Ben could do was let the tears fall.

“I’m sorry”, he whispered, his voice failing him. “I’m— I’ve done so many wrongs, I don’t know how can I ever—”

Another grunt from Chewie, exasperated by Ben’s attempt and reassuring all at once, and then he noticed Lando had moved to standing beside them—smiling.

And the man’s smile was beaming, the wetness in his eyes rolling down his cheeks as he laughed and lurched forward to take his turn to engulf Ben in a welcoming embrace, his hands rubbing fiercely his back—as if he’d been wanting to hug him for too long.

"Welcome back, little starfighter", said Lando, his voice cracking.

Ben realized then: his uncles  _ had _ been waiting for that—just like he himself had, too.

Ben melted into the hug with them, sobbing and laughing and returning the embrace, and his whole body ached and screamed inside, but for a moment, all that mattered was this… And yet, something was lacking. Something too important to be left out— _someone_. Lifting his face from where he was being squished, Ben smiled wide in Rey’s direction and extended his hand to invite his other half into the embrace… 

An invitation that Rey took more than gladly, snorting a laughter and joining them, her arms looped around Ben and Chewie for as long as they shared the joy of the moment.

Eventually Rey broke the hug first as tears run dry and Ben starting to really need medical attention now, and the three of them helped him board the Falcon and lie down to get some early treatment and rest. Lando and Chewie shared a certainly not subtle, knowing look soon after, and with that they headed to the cockpit, leaving them alone once more.

And there, lying on a soft mattress in the privacy of the Falcon’s captain bunk with Rey by his side, with tender gazes and hands intertwined as this ship— _ their _ ship now, after all— led them far away from Exegol and into uncharted territory in their lives, Ben smiled.

He finally was where he should be.

**Author's Note:**

> This prompt... I just had to take it. A Reylo prompt with "Face my fears"? Kriff yes. It was just sooo tempting with how I love Kingdom Hearts, "Face my fears" and Utada Hikaru!


End file.
